my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
