About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
