cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
