this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
