3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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