everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
