i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I did not marry a roomba.
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