My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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