i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
