You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
