one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
