I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
