I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
