he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize