Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
