how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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