he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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