saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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