I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
