so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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