We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
