Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
