I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
