Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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