I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize