I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize