My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
