so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
