haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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