dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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