Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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