what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
