im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
