i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
