these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My life is pants optional.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
