Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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