drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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