I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
