i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
