Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize