So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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