If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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