Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
