I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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