ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
