Well apparently he's into motor boating.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
