i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
