As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
