Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
