It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
