this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
