That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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