I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
