Plan B is the new Plan A
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
