This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
