Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
