Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
