We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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