Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
