i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
