i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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