I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
