He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
