I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So drunk its hurt
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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