she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
