I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
