Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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