my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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