so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
