who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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