Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
