Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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