Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
