He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
