I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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