guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
