Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize