Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
