I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
