none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
