If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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