her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
