I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
