Please, let me fuck your mom
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize