allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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