Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
