Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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