Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
