I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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