Non-Jews are for practice
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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