you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
