Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
