remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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