I want to have your abortion
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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