I hate your face
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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