Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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