Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Houston, we have a blender
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
