no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
