i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
