just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were destined to go to rehab together
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
