Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
